5 Love Languages - Digging into "Words of Affirmation" from her perspective

Lane:

My love language is Words of Affirmation - by far!  It's funny because the more I pay attention to the ways I show Chuck love is definitely huge in words of affirmation.  With Words of Affirmation being my love language, I wanted to dig deeper into the subject itself.  Give some examples that I really appreciate and maybe get our readers involved with some other examples as well.

The three main words of affirmation in Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, are:

1. Kind words

2. Encouraging words

3. Humble words

I've been doing a lot of research about the subject and I do believe that people underestimate the power of words!  A simple I love you so much, or I appreciate that you do this, this, and this can do wonders for a relationship and the surrounding feelings in the relationship.  If words of affirmation can be practiced enough, even when stressed or tired, one should be able to verbally express their love.  

I think Kind words is usually surrounded by words of compliments or reassurance.  Kind words could include complimenting your partners characteristics that you love so much.  I love Chuck's dedication and loyalty to his family and his heritage so I try to compliment his tattoos that have huge meaning in family and his heritage.  I remind him that his pride and loyalty is one huge reason I adore him so much.  It could include complimenting verbally how they smell or how they look.  Chuck may even get tired of hearing it, but whenever he puts on cologne, I always have to mention how good he smells.  Some people that do not have words of affirmation as their primary love language might want to think... "Well, I've already told him that he smells great once, so why would I do it again."  If compliments are honest and covered in love... the same compliment will never get old.  

Encouraging words is great.  I truly think that is someones main love language is not words of affirmation, they should still practice the encouraging words.  You should encourage your partners goals, passions, desires, and plans in order for them to feel loved and not alone.  As if you are a part of their life even outside of the relationship topics.  Encouraging words could be to make sure to comment on positive things you see your partner making.  Whenever Chuck and I finish dinner, he makes sure to kiss me and say "Yum.. That was delicious."  There was one time that he said I had literally cooked the BEST chicken he has ever ate and that I deserved a trophy..... BIG love points for Chuck!!  Plus, guess who went and stocked up on the chicken and ingredients for the recipe?  Me. Hahaha~ Encouragement in school, careers, weight loss, hair changes, etc are all important.  Even though you see your partner everyday and may not notice their weight loss, mention that you are so proud of them for working or changing their eating habits.  As mentioned before - if encouraging words are honest and covered in love... the same encouraging words will never get old.  

Finally, humbling words.  This is definitely a form of speaking with love...even if one is not happy at the moment.  In a relationship, there will be requests and things that need to be compromised on.  All of these should be with loving words.  You should be able to express desires or needs in your relationships.  This is guidance - not ultimatums.  

There are a ton of ways to portray these messages as well.  Although the compliment, humbling words, or encouraging words won't get old -- to prevent them from becoming a habit could be helpful!  Different and random ways of portraying your words of affirmation could include practical ways (face to face), social media (bragging about your partner through fb), the written word (love letters, poems), texting (random kind texts), etc.  There are a ton of creative ways to express words of affirmation and if you need extra help... GOOGLE IT!  There are a ton of blogs and cheat sheets that I found online while researching the subject.  Now, maybe this blog will pop up in that self help section as well :)  

For example: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com/2008/03/25/love-language-part-1-words-of-affirmation/

Great ideas on that site.

What a great subject.  I MAY be a little biased on this topic since it is my primary love language.  In my mind... I'm thinking WHO wouldn't have this as their primary language?? It all sounds amazing!  Hahaha, but to each their own.  Hope everyone is having a great week and enjoying this HOT summer!! Please please please leave comments and suggestions on your experiences as well... We'd love to hear them.

Simplicity -- The different mindframes of men and women -- From his and her point of views!

Lane:  The differences between the way females and males think is very interesting to me.  As a female it is tough for me to support those types of statements as facts versus thinking it is an excuse for men not to be thoughtful.  

There are many different ways in which men and women think.  This subject was brought up over some pillow talk last night.  We were watching the movie "The Host" which is about another soul invading and controlling your body - but if you fight hard enough, you will share your brain with the soul versus disappearing.  After a couple humorous jokes about how you could have a relationship with a different soul in your head but share the same body..... I finally asked him if he would want to share a brain together and he shouted "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!"  Then I thought... Oh, well yeah!  I wouldn't want to be like that forever, but it could be interesting for 24 hours.  So then I asked him.. "What about for 24 hours??"  He responded - "Nope nope nope!"  

In a way, I completely understood his response.  My mind is full of over thinking and always analyzing a situation -- topped with a ton of curiosity at all times!  But at the same time... I also was a little hurt by his response too.   Why would he not want to be in my brain for a day to consider what I think -  how I'm truly feeling - and how good he makes me feel!

 My initial reaction to the question is that I would've loved to look into Chuck's brain for 24 hours!!  I'm such a curious person in general....it would be so interesting and very reassuring!  So this drastic difference.. made me want to research the differences between men and women and how they think!

Communication seems to be the main topic.  Women focus on solutions that work for a group, talking through issues, and utilizing non-verbal gestures in order to understand the direction the communication is going.  Men are very task orientated, less talkative, and more isolated.  

Bonding with others can actually be supported for women by their larger deep limbic system which allows them to be more in touch with their feelings. Men seems to use a "fight or flight" response while women want to "tend and befriend." 

Regardless, there must be a reason that men and women were made to think so differently.  Women are given the ability to be caretakers while men have the ability to stay strong to protect their family.  I get it.  But as the world is developing, relationships are changing, and standards are switching... I'm wondering if mind frames will change as well -- the way we think will melt at the same rate that male versus female expectations are melting together.

End note - Relationships take a ton of work.  Including trying your best to think of how your significant other is thinking and feeling.  I am constantly trying to remind myself that Chuck probably views this situation differently - therefore I make sure to communicate to him how I'm perceiving it -- eliminating confusion or miscommunications.  I'm not going to lie and say it is easier either!  Seems to take us a couple different communication sessions and a little argument to cure whatever problem we are having but at the end of the day... I know how much we love each other and that our problem that we just had is a great learning experience. 

Chuck:  I totally get where Lane is coming from and maybe due to the time of night my response was a little short and harsh.  Not that I wouldn't mind at times to be in Lane's brain but at the same time I have no desire to be...

Mostly because I love the woman she is and like the differences we seldom have.  To spend time in her brain I would be worried we wouldn't have those differences anymore.  I like being able to not be on the same page with her at times and us explore our differences.  I feel it helps build our skills together.  I am very different that Lane in that I don;t over analyze things.  Mostly because of my career I have to assess the situation and react to it immediately.  Second thought could cause so many different things to go wrong is how my mind has been trained, courtesy of the US Army.

Now I would not object to Lane going into my head for a day.  At times I think that would be the best as my choice of words at times are WAAAAY off than what I mean.  That would def eliminate any confusion between the two of us.  But in the end I cherish those moments when I can just stare at her and not have a clue what she is thinking.  

Trip to Colorado - Meet Lane's mom!

TRIP TO COLORADO

 

Lane: Traveling in general with Chuck has been amazing.  Not traveling alone makes the journey to the destination quicker, and the destination that much sweeter!  I was able to share my home town with Chuck and everyone welcomed him with open arms... It makes me very proud to know I have picked the utmost BEST people to be in my life and in return they've picked me as well AND NOW have included the man I love. 

 

So far... Every trip has been the same.  The time I most cherish with Chuck is the driving/flying time that we spend together!! We had picked a EARLY flight on our way there so we had to wake up at 2AM in order to start getting ready and head to the airport.   There was absolutely noone walking through the parking tunnels that early in the morning either... So at 4AM, Chuck and I are running around the tunnels, racing on the walking escalators, and making obscene comments since we were all alone!   It was great because by the time we were on the place for departure - we crashed and slept the entire way!  

 

After an amazing breakfast, Chuck passed out again!!! Like I always tell him, he is such an angel when he is sleeping.... and then he wakes up and the horns fold back up. Hahaha~ 

Lets see... what else did we do!? 

 

Attended our first wedding together.

 Got our hair done together by my mother!

 Attended our first jazz festival to celebrate my best friends birthday.

 

Purchased our first luggage together... HAHA! OHH my man.  Of course he would want a BMW M series suitcase.... That's why I love him. 

  

All in all -- Such an amazing trip.  Chuck was able to meet almost ALL of my friends and family that is important to me, and was able to spend a good amount of time with each.  My mother absolutely adores him which is GREAT!!!  I'll let Chuck talk more about meeting individuals but we had nothing but fun and relaxation on our trip!

Chuck:  I will admit I was a little worried about going to Colorado.... It was the first time I have ever been nervous to meet a parent.  What made this time really different is Lane's mom is Korean.  So I already know about the big expectations and culture coming from my own mother.  Lane, being the first Korean woman I have ever dated, really had my nerves up.  Come to find out the nervousness was mutual.  I think we bonded well and even helped her mom purchase a new Mercedes.  Yes, I understand that as a die hard Bimmer fan, this is like the worst thing I could have done, but honestly it was a better deal for what her mom needed it for.  In turn, is why I felt like buying the BMW M suitcase balanced everything out.

What I think about Denver...............

'Merica's best PBR on a rooftop lounge..... check

Find a random barmaid to let you wear her costume...... check

Shopping mall that is huge...... check

I think I could def like living around Denver in the future....... when the time comes....

So Lane and I went to a wedding together, our first together and my first ever.....
I had a blast!!! It was not your typical church and reception wedding I have come to know from TV.  It was a boots and BBQ style wedding.  It was at this farm/ranch with animals, barns, these huge pits to BBQ in that are larger then a compact car, and a whole lot of boots YEEEHAAA hahahaha. I liked how it was a small wedding and the whole open set up.  Plus all the food, oh boy all the food!!!

I really enjoyed meeting Lane's family and friends... and finally got to meet the infamous Hannah... Which we all wondered how well we would actually mesh together.........

 

I think we meshed pretty well!

Happy 4th of July! Family, Friends, BBQ, and Beer.

Happy 4th Everyone!!

Lane: I have to say that this was one of the best 4th of July celebration weekends I've ever had! 

 

Chuck and I decided to throw a little BBQ at his place since he has an amazing view of DC!  We could actually see four different counties fireworks from his balcony!!  So glad we captured the finale fireworks in pictures as well!!  Only issue is... we were being silly in all of them!  Hahaha.  Regardless - Great memories.

The rest of the weekend consisted of golfing, watching movies, and TONS of pool time!!

Chuck will be off to school soon for a couple months so we have been trying to do as many fun activities in the summer as we can!  

 

I'm starting to realize how hard it is going to be away from his for so long!  The longest we've gone apart now is 3 weeks... It won't be too bad since I'll be visiting him in the middle.  Is it dorky that I'm ALREADY excited for that weekend!? 

 

 This is a short post just because we wanted to post a little sumpthin sumpthin since it's almost been a month since our last post!  We have a couple that are brewing at the moment, but just taking some tender loving time and care to create them :)  Hope everyone had an amazing weekend as well!!  Cheers!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHUCK!! Great date ideas - Ziplining and Water Rafting and Baking cakes!

Lane: 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHUCK!!!

SAENG-il CHU-kah HAM-ni-dah,
SAENG-il CHU-kah HAM-ni-dah,
SA-rang Ha-neun Chuckkkk,
SAENG-il CHU-kah HAM-ni-dah

 (In Korean)

We had so much fun celebrating Chuck's birthday!! So this is my version, but I bet Chuck will try and correct me, but for his LAST birthday.... He spent it alone!  It was three or four days after the first time we met, and unfortunately, I was still dating someone else... Poor thing told me that he was eating his favorite Korean food all by himself!! So I had to put EXTRA effort in this year to make up for missing his last :)

The day started off by getting woken up with a present on the stomach!

This present was actually from his best friend!  We have set up a system that Warren will send the presents to me so I can wrap them and surprise Chuck!!  I love it. Hahah~

Then I let him know to bring a change of clothing because we would be getting wet and muddy!  Took a two hour drive to West Virginia to do some ziplining and water rafting!  He swears he was surprised!

Ziplining was a blast.  I've never been so I was a bit scared and nervous. I'm not good with heights!  Chuck was so supportive and kept telling me it was going to be no biggie once I jumped off the platform!  

 

AND he was right.  It was a blast!!

The group that we went ziplining with was super nice too.  On our last swing down, Chuck was the last one to go... so I informed everyone that it was Chuck's birthday and that I had a surprise cake that everyone was welcome to come get a taste!

And they all showed up!  It was great!

 They all met us where I set up the cake and we all sang a HORRIBLY pitched happy birthday to Chuck.  I loved it! To see Chuck smile so deeply, I smiled just as deep!

 After lunch, we went water rafting which was a total blast!  Our guide was very adventurous and had us surfing the little waves with our entire boat!! It is very hard to explain, but it was just TOO fun!

The cake is a whole story in itself.  I don't have an electric mixer, so I blended some of the ingredients and tried to combine MULTIPLE pintrest ideas... Lets just say it was an interesting nutella and strawberry pound cake - injected with butter... HAHA!

 

All in all, a wonderful day.  It's been a little bit of a hard time these days for us as a team, so a day like today is exactly what we needed to lift our spirits.  We've hit a chapter in our lives together that is a bit bumpy... but I am PROUD to say that we are working very hard through them.  I'm sure we will post soon with advice and knowledge of what we go through and how we worked on the team.  It all includes situations of sickness, frustrations, and learning how to fight and WHY we fight.  It's interesting to me to see troubles that couples post online, because it's only human to want to share ONLY the successes and happiness... but sometimes the dark needs to be shared as well.  It's just a part of life!  Regardless of what we go through, I promise Chuck that I will ALWAYS be by his side as his teammate and as his one true love.  Through thick and thin baby!

 Chuck:  Yes I was surprised by it all... From presents to the zip lining and rafting, which I have never rafted before.



So with presents, both Lane and Warren got me these amazing shirts and shorts from a workout clothing line that I have become a fan of, HTFU, which is amazing for working out in!!! I was also surprised with a Burberry shirt, since I have been wanting one.



This birthday made up for the past 6 years that did not go well or I was in a place that I couldn't celebrate it.  Lane is right in saying we have hit a bumpy road in our journey together.  We have been working through it and discovering ourselves even more.  She is definitely my leaning post right now and is feeling the frustrations from it.  But that is for another post.



Well, we hope you all have a great week!  We are headed to Colorado this weekend... Another post to come soon :)  Please everyone, tell everyone in your life that you love... "I love you" this week.  Even if it's cheesy or random -- It'll be worth it. 

Memorial Day Weekend - Strawberry Banana Pancakes/Strawberry Shortcake Cupcakes

Lane:

Memorial Day weekend = a blessing.  I just have to first give a moment to Chuck and his fellow brothers and sisters in arms that they were on my mind all weekend - so thankful for what they sacrifice for my/our country.  

With that being said, what is the best way to your man's heart?? Through his belly!! 

 

 We made a trip to the farmers market where Chuck found a loaf of Zucchini bread that he almost finished while we walked around.  Haha!

Plenty of strawberries were purchased, hence my recipes!

 Starting off, I made strawberry banana pancakes that turned out delish:

 

Ingredients needed:

1 cup almond flour
1 cup brown rice flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon palm sugar

1 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups milk (dairy or nondairy)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2/3 cup mashed banana (2 large bananas)
1 cup chopped strawberries

The actual recipe I followed:

http://chefthisup.com/recipe/7738/strawberry-banana-pancakes/

The only things I substituted was the types of flour.

 

Next thing I made was very similar in ingredients.  The recipe that I modeled my cupcakes after is found: http://www.ladybehindthecurtain.com/strawberry-shortcake-cupcakes/

Ingredients I used:

1 1/2 cups almond flour

1 1/2 cups brown rice flour

2 cups palm sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

6 large eggs

2 cups butter, softened

1/2 cup milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 ctn whole strawberries

1 package cream cheese

1 container of marshmallow cream

Everything in my recipe was the same except for a couple ingredients.  Also, the icing was a blended mixture of one package of cream cheese mixed with the marshmallow creme -- easiest icing and SO tasty!  It was nice a thick in order to "glue" cut up strawberries on the top.  I didn't want to cut out and waste any of the cake portion.  

The topping is just cut up strawberries that I covered with a sprinkle of sugar for an hour or so.

 

SO yummy!

 

The rest of the weekend consisted of watching movies... BBQing... Spending time with our godsons.

 

For example, teaching them to flex!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email us at teamhalfie@gmail.com -- either about recipes or any of random questions!!  We are always welcome to helping!  Hope everyone enjoys their short week :)  Cheers!

Chuck:  I would like to send out a special thank you to all of you who read our blog that support US Troops, no matter which branch of service.  Some of us join without a choice of better life, some of us because it is our family heritage, and some of us do it because we feel the need within us to serve our country and protect our fellow American.  

I had the blessed opportunity to take a photo with a little boy while visiting Arlington Cemetery to lay flowers to a fallen, who thanked me for what I do.  That is the greatest gift you can give this Soldier.

Our First Trip Together!!! Lessons learned and good memories

CHICAGO 

Lane:  Trip to meet Chuck's family for the first time -- Success!

Let me just start with the lesson learned.... Men and women have VERY different perspectives on "clothing"!  Hahaha Chuck is from Chicago so I asked him what his opinion on what I should bring to wear in the windy city!  He said "Spring type clothing"  Okay ladies, correct me if I'm wrong.... Spring time clothing -- Dresses with a jean jacket, shorts and a long sleeve shirt, FLIP FLOPS!!  Well, I'm SO glad that I brought a pair of boots and one pair of jeans... because it ended up snowing and raining the entire weekend. Hahaha!  It got so cold that Chuck's mother ended up giving me a thicker sweater because I was always freezing!!  So glad his family didn't judge me since I wore the same outfit for three days in a row!!

 

 Over-all the trip was great.  Chuck is an amazing traveler and I felt so safe with him!  So we will admit.... We were being Cheap-O's for some reason while shopping for hotels.  Now, all the Marriott's were booked, so we decided... since we were going cheap, lets go the CHEAPEST possible!  Picking the cheapest possible put us in a Red Roof Inn -- Please see the living situation below:

 

Yes, that is a bug on the left. next to our drinking cups and the right is how we barricaded the door.   We arrived at the hotel very late at night so as we pulled up, our headlights shined on a room in which a random head popped out of the curtains in the window to peek at us, and followed by another head popping out their door that they just cracked open............................Talk about scary.  I will say... sharing a double bed with your significant other is a must every once in a while!  It definitely brought us closer and made us cherish our cali-king sized bed at home even more. 

 

 So I met Chuck's family on this trip, but he was able to meet my Uncle since he lives in Chicago!  My Uncle treated us to some fancy sushi that he made at his restaurant and then took us home to see the family.  

I haven't seen my Uncle nor Cousins in over ten years!  Such a great reunion.  Oh, and they love Chuck :) Look, they were bonding within 24 hours!

 It was interesting to notice that one of my favorite parts about the entire trip was the time spent with Chuck in the car.  

We spent about.... 12 hours or so driving from Chicago to Chuck's home and back a couple times.  Sometimes he would drive, sometimes I would drive.  We would stop at random gas stations... Playing and running around to get our blood pumping after sitting for so long.  We would find special chips or treats to eat at each gas station... even if we weren't hungry!  Just something entertaining to do while driving.  We would listen to music.  Sing.  Randomly dance.  I love watching Chuck do his random dancing in the car.  TRIED to record it a couple times, but it was a no-go.

 The trip in itself meant a lot to me.  The fact that Chuck opened up his ENTIRE family and all of his friends to me... was amazing.  

 

I'm so glad his mom was on board when I asked to see all of Chuck's baby pictures!! She had the albums ready to go!  Gosh, he was such a cutie.  I told him he better give me babies that look JUST like him! Hahahaha!  






 His mom even took me shopping because she said liked me so much and just wanted to give a nice gesture... VERY Korean mother!   When Chuck's mom came in and asked me to go shopping, I looked at Chuck to save me and he said "Go!! You know there is no way to stop this..." Hahaha So I ended up with a VERY nice pair of earrings that match the necklace her son gave me.  Such a sweet family!! 



They loved me, I loved them, it was great.



I loved looking at Chuck when he was talking with his mom, or watching him smile at his sister while giving her a hard time (or beating her up!).  They say you can tell a lot about how a person will be in the future based on their home life, and if that's the case, I can't wait for the future with Chuck!  <3